Thursdays ...

Maybe Thursdays are just going to be the days I'm in a little bit of a funk. I went into work today and a couple of people were there.  Unfortunately my supervisor wasn't making it up 'til the afternoon and I was tired of sitting in a silent office, so I went home early.  Which was probably a mistake.

I should have stayed there and worked and met with him for a while so I had less time to sit around being crabby. I've tried to keep myself busy, but here's the tricky part.  Normally, for me, keeping myself busy involves going out and going for a walk.  I got an e-mail from another postdoc this afternoon saying they might be doing something tonight, so I've been waiting around to hear from them.  It's now 8 and I've heard nothing (which doesn't mean nothing's happening, but still).  I don't know if dinner is being had later, or if I should eat before.  I don't even know if ANYTHING has happening later.  I don't know these people well enough to harass them to make a solid plan - or to hanging out with me before making a plan.

I think the real problem is that today is SO quiet.  Everyone who lives here goes away for La Semana Santa.  And the hotels are packed with people who don't live here.  Because my neighborhood is super residential it is silent.  I've had my door to my terrace open all day, and even then I only hear a car go by every 30 minutes or so.  And when I go out on my terrace I can see a few other people out on their terraces.  I've seen a couple of people walking and I saw a total of 5 people on the bus today.  It's really different than Chicago.

In some ways, it's a nice difference.  There's nothing wrong with silence and being alone (although I'm not very good at either).  It is easier to rest and relax here.  In spite of how stressful the move here has been, I find myself not terribly sleepy during the day and sleeping pretty well at night.  I also don't have the sore tension shoulders I often did back home after working (or just living for that matter).

I'm having trouble today with the "patience" part of this whole being patient with myself thing.  I want to meet people and have friends now.  I want to have new projects started at work now.  I want to have friends I can go visit and can have over now.  I want to have a cell phone and my residence card and my bus pass now (Soooooooo tired of paying in change every time I get on the bus!).  I want to be not afraid of the grocery store and to be more confident about Spanish now.  I want to be settled and feel like I have a life here now.  And I know I've been here for a week.  And I know I'm doing pretty well, considering I've only been here for a week.  I spend a lot of my time being not-miserable, which is pretty great. I know logically that I'm doing well here.


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So I'm posting this still, even though since I started writing it I'm feeling better.  I'm going out to meet some friends for the evening, which should be good.  Before I got that call, though, I turned on some music.  Which helped.  And then I read some stuff by one of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott.  She has some great lines about trying to let go of attempts to be in control all the time (my major problem in life). So, I was reading her as a reminder to, as she says, remove my sticky hands from the steering wheel and let life happen for a while.  And guess what?  It did.  And now I get to go out and have some fun.

To close, let me give you some advice from a graduation speech Anne Lamott gave that literally made me laugh out loud through tears a while ago:  "And -- oh my God -- I nearly forgot the most important thing: refuse to wear uncomfortable pants, even if they make you look really thin. Promise me you'll never wear pants that bind or tug or hurt, pants that have an opinion about how much you've just eaten. The pants may be lying! There is way too much lying and scolding going on politically right now without your pants getting in on the act, too."