Clearing the clouds

Yesterday was inexplicably hard.  Waking up was hard and my bed was much, much more comfortable than the thought of getting out of bed and starting yet another day here.  I walked to work from the bus stop in the rain which did nothing to improve my already sour mood.  Work was fine, but quiet as always here, which means I don't have a lot of human interaction during my day.  I went back to my apartment, and felt really, really cranky and frustrated.  I managed to try a new recipe last night which turned out okay (not fantastic, but better than edible), but I was feeling frustrated about work possibilities in the future ... and honestly, I was just tired of being here and being away from Pete.  Yesterday was primarily cloudy and gross.  Things aren't shiny and new anymore which means less excitement in every day.  I have a routine and I actually LIVE here.  I see now why most people in college study abroad for one semester.  Typically, a semester is about 3 or 4 months.  That period of time is enough that you can get the experience of living in a new place, without the shine wearing off.

Even though things were way, way scarier (and in a lot of ways harder) when I first moved here, they were also new.  I was learning in leaps and bounds in Spanish, starting new projects that were exciting, learning to live in a new place, being able to explore every day.

But now.  

I get more and more frustrated by the same stupid mistakes I make in Spanish (I swear I know the difference between imperfecto and indefenido tenses, but I perpetually confuse them when I'm telling a story orally).  The new projects aren't so new anymore and are in the slogging state, where you just need to do a billion different things before you get any results.  And living here is becoming like living anywhere else.  A mix of good and bad things, but routine.

So, I'm continuing my attempts at shaking things up a little.  I have Spanish class tonight and then I'm joining my friends for a quick drink and a pintxo.  Then tomorrow there is an outing with the school where I take Spanish for pintxos.  So, I'm going there too.  Then more Spanish on Thursday and Friday.  Hopefully, the more I practice the easier the whole actually speaking Spanish part will get.  As my teacher says "poco a poco."  I'm trying to make a conscious effort to do more exercise besides my usual tons of walking.  I know Pilates will make me feel better, so I'm working on doing that at least 3-4 times a week with a bit of yoga thrown in.  Between the Pilates mat and the set of small hand weights I've procured, I can at least be in great shape when I go back to the US again in a few months. :)  

I'm not sure I've mentioned here, but between the walking up and down hills (mountains) all the damn time and eating well (though boringly), I've managed to lose quite a bit of weight being here.  Almost all of my pants/shorts/skirts are too big now (besides those which I purchased on my most recent trip home).  My dress for Molly's wedding was about 3 inches longer than it should have been because I'd lost weight - the corset back saved the day with the rest of the dress fitting as it should.  I'm guessing November and December trips to the US will include small shopping sprees. 

Anyway.  I woke up today feeling better.  This morning was cloudy and I thought it might rain on my way to work.  Instead, the clouds started clearing.  I feel better in part, I think, because before I fell asleep last night, I was reflecting on life here.  Even though I have hard days where I'm frustrated and tired of being here, I also have good days.  Great days even.  And even more than having good or great days, I look at how much progress I've made since coming here (especially in Spanish) and how much I've changed (in good ways), I'm very happy overall with my choice to come here.  Even without the good professional aspect, living in Spain has made me slow down, relax and be more patient with other people and with myself, which are all great accomplishments for me.