1 year

As I alluded to earlier, I've been here for a year today.  A year right about this time, actually.  

I've been trying to think about what this year has been like and how I feel about today.

The answer, like most things in my life, is that it's complicated.   This year has somehow managed to be simultaneously the fastest and slowest year of my life.  I can't believe I've already been here for a year ... and I can't believe I've ONLY been here for a year.  I'm really proud of how less scary everything is than when I first stepped into this apartment.  But I'm still pretty scared about trying to figure out what the future holds for me ... and when I'll get back to the US.  

I'm happy I'm here and I wish I were home at the same time.  I spent the night in my new apartment last night, and will say goodbye to this apartment for good in just a few hours.  And I'll be able to say I lived in Spain for more than a year ... Hopefully not much more though.  If you're of the praying persuasion, I can definitely use some that a couple of my plans in the works will come to fruition, and I can enjoy the next couple of months in Spain knowing I'll go back to the US soon.

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A quick story about the big move yesterday.  I have somehow accumulated a lot of stuff since I've been here (a lot of it won't be coming back to the States with me, like bathroom and kitchen stuff), but I had a ton of junk to move.  A friend of a friend offered use of his (small) car at the last minute.  So at 10 pm, my friend and I hauled my stuff to the lobby, with a plan to do two car loads.  But Basques are nothing if not industrious and with a little fancy wiggling, and me jamming into the back under the thing covering his trunk that we had to remove and relocate for the mile long ride down the hill, we made it in one load.  So the whole move, door-to-door took less than 45 minutes.  Well, almost the whole move, as today I have to move cleaning supplies, two trash cans and a whole bunch of hangers.  And, I'm really, really happy that the next time I move will be back to the US.

Things I'm Not Good At

The number one thing I am not good at is leaving.  Even if I'm not happy about where I am, leaving is always hard.  Even moving from my apartment in Evanston (which was not an easy or fun place to live) into Peter's house was hard.  So I'm not too surprised that leaving here is also hard.  And sad.  Even though moving in here was not a particularly happy part of my life, it was a part of my life.  And saying goodbye to it is not so fun.  But.  I have a signed lease.  Keys.  And a car to help me move out tonight.  So after a good mop of the floor tomorrow, I will bid my studio apartment adieu for a smaller, but cozier and better located 1 bedroom apartment.  Pictures to come.

Moving, but not moving on

I'm nearing the anniversary of my move here to Spain (probably more on that later this week), and as a result, I have to move out of my apartment.  The leases for this building were intended to be only for a year at a time, so on Tuesday I'm signing a lease for my new apartment.

First, the good part.  This new apartment is in an ideal location.  It's the perfect size for me (small), and is in good shape with nice landlords, etc.  Hopefully, within a week or so, I'll have a more functioning internet system than I do in this building, which will mean easier communications home.  The bad part?  I have to pack up my stuff, and it's not for a move back to the US.  I always knew this was a possibility, but I had really, really hoped I'd be heading home around now.  Or at least have a more solid plan for next year.  I'm working hard on a few options to get me back to the States this summer, but nothing is in place yet.  And as everyone knows, I am not good at living a life in flux.  I really want a plan.  Yesterday.  But, for now, I'm packing up and moving on.  Knowing the next time I do it will be for home.  And that's a good feeling I can hold on to for a while.